Wasted
by Virtie
Summary: The third child of a large family easily lost in the shuffle feels the weight of betrayl on his shoulders after realizing his mistakes.
1. Prequel

This fic was a challenge between myself, BreetanyaViolet, Zenya, and BadBoyLover. Read each of ours, and determine which you find the best. Okay? ^_^; But remember to review each! Cause it's a competition! :P  
  
BadBoyLover: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1452139  
  
BreetanyaViolet: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1452146  
  
Zenya: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1452621 


	2. Wasted Are The Days Of Our Lives

Percy contemplates his life so far and doesn't feel quite too happy about it. Holy crap, I forgot why I hated songfics. Someone find me Suddam so I can make him blow them up.  
  
Start time: 9:50 PM  
  
Disclaimer: The lyrics are Stabbing Westward's "Wasted" song *plug* *makes you love Stabbing Westward* and Percy is JK Rowling's. But I'm sure if I paid her enough, she'd let me have him.  
  
I've spent  
  
My life  
  
Running from the emptiness  
  
That haunts me  
  
Never in my life have I had someone who truly cares about me. Not the way I yearn to be cared for. I wanted that one true love to fill my life, make me whole. . . But how could anyone love me? How could anyone love someone who can't even love themself. . .  
  
And I've felt  
  
My whole life  
  
Trying to fuck  
  
The loneliness away  
  
All my life I've been alone. The odd one out. Charlie and Bill were the oldest and experienced everything together; Fred and George were the trouble making twins who always had eachother's backs; Ron and Ginny who were the youngest and pampered by mum. Did anyone even notice me growing up?  
  
And I die  
  
Inside  
  
When I think of all the people  
  
I have damaged  
  
I betrayed my family. I let them down. I turned my back on everything I've ever loved, just for what? The POSSIBLE chance to be Minister of Magic sometime in the future? How could I be so stupid. . . Now what should I do? Crawl back to those I dismissed so easily?  
  
And I'm tired  
  
I'm so tired  
  
And there's no one else  
  
Except myself to blame  
  
If only I weren't just a shadow. I've done everything anyone ever wanted just to get ahead, to prove myself. I've let the lowest of people trample over me. . . I can't even remember a time when I did something just for myself. Doing something with nothing at all to gain. Being able to let go and be free.  
  
My life's been wasted  
  
Everything is gone  
  
My life's been wasted  
  
And I am all alone  
  
My life's been wasted  
  
There is no one else  
  
My life's been wasted  
  
It's time I face myself  
  
Who would honestly choose to live this way? How low I've gone. . . I don't even know who I am anymore. . .  
  
I've spent  
  
My life  
  
Trapped inside  
  
A cycle of self destruction  
  
If I could just take it back. . . Take it all back. I'd do anything to go back to the way things were. I miss those days. . . Those innocent days when I never felt cold. Never had to be alone. . . I got lost in fantasies. . . Now I don't know where I am..  
  
And I've spent  
  
My whole life  
  
Trying to numb  
  
The pain inside my soul  
  
I tried to tell myself that I was just being childish. Of course I was loved. Of course I wasn't left out. Why would anyone's family treat them bad? Even though I tell myself that. . . deep down. . . I still remember. Remember the jokes that made me cry. Remember how no one came to my side to make me feel better. . .  
  
And furious  
  
I cry  
  
When I realized  
  
I fought this war with no one  
  
I chose this for myself. . . I chose to be this way. I've worked my whole life to get to where I am. People would kill to do what I do. . . Yet I still feel like there's more for me... But I don't think I'll ever find out what that "more" is. . .  
  
I'm tired  
  
I'm so fucking tired  
  
Gotta find a way  
  
To keep myself alive  
  
Maybe if I just gave up. . . No one would notice if I never came back. No one would probably even care. . . Well that's just stupid. Of course SOMEONE would notice if I were gone. . . All the papers and tasks that wouldn't be finished. . . And no one around to be walked over and treated poorly. . . I've got nothing worth living for. . . Nothing to keep me going. . .  
  
When I reach the end  
  
Will anything I've done  
  
Mean anything?  
  
Will anything I've done mean anything?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
AN: Umm.. Yeah, there's not supposed to be anything after that last lyric. The last half is him wondering if anything he's done means anything. So I didn't really write more. LOL. Please, PLEASE review. This one's a doozy. I need flames and criticism bad. I don't like this fic at all. LOL.  
  
End Time: 10:35PM 


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